and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize