She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
