in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
