8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
