and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
