I cockslap morals
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So much Jack, so little girl.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
