Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
