apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
