if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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