??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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