There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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