wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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