you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's always time for handjobs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize