There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
