she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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