i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize