Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
