when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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