you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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