I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
