dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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