She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
