The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
