I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
