You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
