You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
