I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
