I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
