i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
