i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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