Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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