i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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