Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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