marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
