it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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