you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Success! We fucked roommates!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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