So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
