I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I could make wine with my vomit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
