I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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