ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
