I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As shirtless as possible
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
