Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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