yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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