It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
