Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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