No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
