I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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