Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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