I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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