if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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