Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize