are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i came on her dog
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
