I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
