after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
