I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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