Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
