I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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