Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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