even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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