You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
