We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
