At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to make out with him forever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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