Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
