i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
