Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
