WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
