I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
