im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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