Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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