True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
