Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize